I’m still crispy over this phone call

Erin and I were on our way back from a business trip.  A road trip.  A very long road trip.  A very long road trip during which he drove, which meant zero stopping for snacks or meals.  Or bathroom breaks, so also no water.  That’s not what this post is about at all, but I’m just trying to set the stage so you understand the type of mood I was in.  Crannnky.

About 4 hours in I sat with a full bladder and empty stomach, rifling through the passenger side door pocket looking for stray Skittles (there was not a single Skittle to be found) when my phone rang.  It was an unrecognized number so I should have let it go to voicemail, but I figured it might distract me from my road trip discomfort.

“Hello” I said, and then listened while a voice on the other end talked at me for three minutes.  She was crankier than I was, which was weird because, I mean, hadn’t she called me?

“My client is very interested in your product.  He would like to set up a meeting with his business development manager to discuss the possibilities.  How is Monday at 10?”

“Monday at 10 for what, I’m sorry? What possibilities?”  I asked.  I was growing foggy from hunger and motion sickness.  And because I just felt like nothing was making sense.

“For the call with our business development manager, Steve.”  She sighed impatiently.

“I’m sorry, ok but what exactly will Steve want to discuss?” I asked.

“All will be revealed on the call at 10 on Monday.”

She hung up and my phone buzzed. A Google calendar invite popped up.  Me and Steve were set to talk about who knows what at 10 on Monday.  There was a link to a website in the invite, which I clicked through and browsed.  Pages and pages of images and words, but like, no information.  I immediately went to decline the invite but thought, nah – keep an open mind.  Maybe this will be interesting.  See if you can get some more details.

I sent her a little reply.  “Thanks for this.  Can you please point me in the direction of some information?  Is there an agenda?  What’s the purpose of this call?”  I hit send and immediately felt like a fool.  I knew I was never going to get a response to my questions.  And I was certain that Monday call was going to be a waste of time just as the three minutes setting it up had been.  I morphed into a living Arthur meme, my fist balled up tight.   The caption above my head – “when you knew the call was going to be BS but you answered it anyway”.  Seeing my balled up fist and furrowed brow, Erin finally decided it was in his best interest to stop for some food.  As my teeth sank into a sandwich, I  happily forgot about the call.

I remembered again on Monday at 10 when the phone rang.

“Hi – Adiya? Am I saying it right?”

“Hi.  No, you’re not.” I knew immediately I should have canceled.

“Hi, this is Steve – I think you spoke with my assistant.”

“Yes I did.  I also asked her for some information about what this call was going to be about.  But I didn’t hear anything back.”

“Oh.  Did you look at the link she sent you?  All the information is in there.”  he snapped.  Again, I felt like how do you have the right to be unpleasant with someone when you called them.  An icy breeze blew between us.

“Yes, I looked at your website.  I saw all the tabs there.  But nothing made clear why we were going to be talking today.  Are you trying to sell me something? Take something?  Give me something?  Do you want to purchase something?  Partner or collaborate?”  I started listing all the verbs in my lexicon and gesturing wildly.  It was like being back teaching ESL.

“Well, as you know, nothing is free.”  Lol, whut Steve?  What does that even mean?  “We want to see if you are a good fit for us.”

“Ok, but a good fit for what? I still don’t understand what you do.”  I said, still gesturing.

“Well, our founder is a legend in this industry, you would get real exposure for your product or service.”

I paused.  “Do you know which one I offer?”  I asked.  “Product or service?”

He ignored me.   “We have a large beauty portfolio.  And our folks have seen you either at a beauty show or somewhere on blogs and…” It was clear to me at that point he had less of  a clue why we were talking than I did.  I was done and I felt bad for both of us.

“Well, Steve” I said, putting on my sweetest voice “it seems like I have some more homework to do about you and your business.  How about if I get back to you in a few days.”

“Uh” he started “yes, well we still need to find out more about you and whether you’d be a good fit for us.”  It was like some weirdo attempt to neg me maybe?  How dare I suggest I might reject them.

“I understand.  Let’s be in touch.”  I thanked him and wished him a good day.  He did the same, though I’m certain he didn’t mean it.  Mostly because I’m not convinced he even knew he was talking to an actual person.  That can’t be how he talks to actual people.

I’m ending my rant here because I can feel my fist start to ball up again.  I swear I still have no idea what that call was about.  But I’m convinced it was just the first step in a long and very costly scam.  It makes me mad that companies like that exist and take advantage of small business owners.  They prey on the unsophisticated, folks who are desperate for exposure, probably people who have sunk their last dimes into their product and are looking for some hail mary at success.  My fist is all balled up again just thinking about it.  I’m blessed to be able to discern the good from the bad (usually…though I’ve had my fair share of burns) and I pray that other new business owners out there are too.

On that, feel free to drop me a note if you need a gut check on something someone is “offering” you.  I don’t have all the answers, but I’m pretty good at asking the right questions.